Making Friends

On Thursday, the three of us went to our first ever poly meet-up, a discussion group rather than a munch*.

It was AWESOME.

Whilst I have had a strong support of poly/alternative folk previously, I've never been to a specifically poly group. Hermit and Minx have just never had either. It was so good to be able to introduce myself as being with them both, as a girlfriend and not just a 'friend'. I got to sit next to Minx, with my hand somehow holding both hers and Hermit's, without being looked at weirdly.

Everyone was there for different reasons. Some were looking to make friends and network, some were getting into poly and wanted people to talk to, some had been in it for a while and were looking to share their experiences. We went for a number of reasons. So there's one place we can be open, to get advice and share problems with other poly people. And to have some fun. None of us really know many people in DC, and a poly discussion group sounds like a good place to meet like-minded folk. Strange, that.

Oddly, I was one of the more experienced people there, despite also being the youngest. There were a lot of people just getting into it and I have been interested at least for a long time now. The experience was spread widely. At one end were the people who were just getting information, at the other were people who had been living poly for 10-15 years. There wasn't a whole lot in-between. Everyone was really friendly and helpful, though I think I need to be less cavalier about how our triad formed. It was a bit of an accident. We all assumed it would be a V*, then Minx and I got to know each other and suddenly I was asking Hermit how he'd feel if I fell in love with his wife. It is an accidental triad. I kind of exhibited this view and one of the men there very gently chastised us. Apparently people can search for 10 years for a compatible triad and never find one, and we just stumbled into it. I knew triads were unusual, but I didn't realise they were quite that rare.

Speaking of rarities, I was also pointed out as the ideal unicorn :D That made me smile.

I feel very lucky that ours works so well, and that we are so compatible. Things would have been very different if Minx and I hated each other, or if we were both straight. There were stories about people who wouldn't even talk to their partner's partner - that would be horrendous!

It was wonderful to be able to talk with other people about our collective experiences. There was a great deal of sharing, and a lot of giving and receiving of advice. Someone might ask 'how do you deal with x emotion' and three other people would compare experiences and offer strategies or alternative ways of viewing said emotion. There was practical advice too, along the lines of how to deal with children, coming out to family and being closeted.

I know Minx found it useful to be able to speak in a safe environment. She (and Hermit) have found it hard to not have anyone else to talk to about this, outside of our triad. It was validating for her to have people say 'yes, I feel/felt that way too' or 'that's something I still struggle with'. She would put it more succinctly than I, but it's safe to say that it was a much-needed experience. We're planning on going back next month and maybe going to one of the DC munches.

Terminology:
Munch - originally from the BDSM community (at least, that's where I know it from), a munch is an informal, social gathering where people can make friends within the BDSM/poly/whatever community. In the UK these normally take place in a pub, and food is often involved.
V - a poly formation of three people, two of whom are in a relationship with the third person, but not each other.