Classifications

This is an awesome graph. It was found here, and all credit goes to Franklin Veaux.

Anyway, I thought I'd say something about classifications. Generally speaking, I intensely dislike being put in a pigeon hole. I'm not quite sure why. I think my discomfort comes from the fact that there is so much more to a person than the boxes they tick. Yes, I am female. I'm Christian, I'm blonde, British, a musician, a Pisces. I'm also a feminist, sex-positive, a cat-owner and a juggler. No one of these things defines who I am, even if you take all of my boxes, you still can't know me. It's true - the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Or so I like to think :D 

The first time I fell in love with another woman, we spent several hours (over several days) discussing whether it was worth naming our relationship. We decided that, actually, it wasn't necessary. We loved each other, we enjoyed spending time...but did we want to claim the 'girlfriend' tag, and deal with explaining to people how our respective boyfriends felt about it? Was the title that important to us? Ultimately, we started to use it more for ease of discussion with people who didn't know both of us. If I was talking to a friend from out of town, or someone I'd only just met, I'd refer to her as my girlfriend rather than try to explain our particular relationship.

There's also a problem with the assumptions people make when you start to use labels. I'm bi. What image does that bring up? For some, not a particular image. For others, there's the stereotype of the drunken teen kissing their best friend in a club because it makes the boys stare. There's the stereotype of the woman who will fool around with women, but not actually consider settling down and having a life with one.I am neither of those things, but when I use that word I run the risk of people assuming I am either of those things. Anyone who knows me is unlikely to come to either of those conclusions, but being a bi woman does still carry certain connotations. 

But how do you talk about yourself and your life without using tags? There is rarely time upon first meeting someone to go into the detail required to skip using tags. If I meet someone at a party, do I talk about my boyfriend and girlfriend, or do I take an hour and explain that I'm in a relationship with are a married couple who have a young child, that we're currently polyfidelitous* but may consider dating separately in later life, though no-one is keen on actually adding another primary*-type relationship into the mix as we seem to work well as a triad*. The latter contains way more accurate information, whilst the former is more easily understood, if imprecise.

So having said all of that, I love this graph. It tries to cover as many permutations of non-monogomy as it can. And, you know, it's funny. Where on the graph do we fit? I guess in the nice purple splodge that says 'polifidelity'. Minx and I both fit into the bisexual, one partner of each gender category. We also slightly fit into the yellow unicorn* box. Minx has referred to me as the unicorn they never knew they were looking for, which I like.

Terminology:

Polyfidelity - A polyamoros relationship wherein the members do not have outside relationships.

Primary - A partner who is your priority over other partners. Related terms are 'secondary' and 'tertiary'. A secondary is subordinate in importance to their partner's primary, but superior to a tertiary. Not all relationships work like this!

Triad - A form of relationship with three members, all of whom are in relationships with each other.

Unicorn - An attractive, bisexual female who is willing to date couples.