Catching Up

It's been a busy few weeks here in DC :)

I got all of my thesis corrections done in much less time than I anticipated...mainly because my supervisor told me that most of the more substantial editing suggestions were actually advice for whatever I write next, rather than corrections that had to be made so I could pass. Even better was the fact that they were written directly onto a physical copy of the thesis, so the internal examiner who re-marks the work has no record of what corrections I have/haven't done. I made sure I did all the corrections that were documented with the university though! One of the biggest things was that I didn't write chapter conclusions. I cannot for the life of me work out why! I don't especially enjoy writing them I know, but I usually make sure I at least make a token effort. Very strange. So, that has been sent of too be printed and submitted, and hopefully I'll hear back from them soon!

We also found another house :D and have had an offer accepted! We're currently waiting to hear about whether the owner will make the repairs we've requested, some of which are pretty substantial. It's a little nerve-wracking because a couple of them are deal-breakers, in that if he says 'no' then we're going to walk away and keep looking. And none of us want to do that. It's a good house! It's blue, with an awesome porch, on a quiet street. Oh, and wood floors, nearly finished basement, large deck and a good sized garden :D I want to start growing vegetables already! There have been gardening things coming up on the local freecycle and I really want to get them, but there's no-where for me to keep them currently and it's too early...but I want!

The weekend was wonderful. After a stressful week (mainly because Hermit and I had a 2-day argument over something) we went to Maryland to stay in Minx' parent's retirement/holiday home for the weekend. It's on the Chesapeake Bay and is beeeautiful and quiet and lovely. We had a great time cooking lovely food (quiche and potato salad and 2 kinds of pies, oh my!) and spending time with lovely people, as Minx' bestest friend and her family (husband, two kids) came on Saturday afternoon and stayed the night. The child had a great time with the other two and the adults had a great time cooking, drinking and playing drunken Pictionary. For once, I was able to play an American board game and NOT have my lack of cultural knowledge hinder me too much! I only had to ask one question for clarification purposes. Hurrah! Then on Sunday, Hermit and I went to a Quaker meeting which was lovely. Though they had very uncomfortable benches, and I fell asleep briefly and apparently woke myself up in a noisy enough fashion that everyone stared at me. Guess which meeting I won't be going back to...

Too Much Stuff

Dear Reader,

This is official notice that my posts will be even fewer and further between for a couple of weeks :( Remember the awesome house? The one I got so excited about...well, we put in an offer on the same day that someone else did. The seller's accepted the other offer. So, it's back to the drawing board for us and we're seeing more houses on Saturday. On the happy side, I told the child and she was pleased :D Not very surprised (I think she'd already guessed), but definitely pleased. On top of house-hunting, again, I also have some pretty substantial revisions to make to my MPhil thesis before I'm awarded the degree. As I need the degree to start my PhD, and can't stay in the US if I'm not PhDing, it's kind of crucial that I make all the changes, get my Mum to print, bind and submit it, all before the end of the month.
Awesome.
So I'm going to be a little busy, and will have less time than usual to update this blog. In the meantime, I have an article up on Polytical.

Best wishes,
Isobel.

Breaking the News

The child is hinting.
'I wish you could stay with us forever!'
'When you move to Baltimore, I want you to live next door to us so I can see you every day'
'We should get a house wth 4 bedrooms. One for Daddy's desk, one for Mummy and Daddy, one for me and one for you!'

I cannot wait to see her face when we finally tell her that we're all living together. Breaking the news to Minx's parents will be another matter entirely. And she, my poor darling, has the joy of doing it this weekend. They've been asking all kinds of questions about why this house, why so big, why are they going to Baltimore anyway etcetc. They won't be told everything (that would seriously cause more trouble than it's worth) but just the fact that there will be a close female friend living with Minx and Hermit will probably be deeply upsetting. Mother is already concerned about how close I am to Hermit...they have no idea exactly how much time we all spend together and don't really understand how I can be considered 'family' when I am, traditionally, not. Poor Minx :( It's not going to be a fun conversation.

Making a Home

We spent the whole of Sunday in Baltimore, looking at houses, talking about houses, thinking about houses and eating awesome diner food. We saw a total of 7 houses within 2 hours and there were some significant surprises. The very first house we saw was creepy. Dark wooden panelling on the walls and the owner actually followed us from room to room, giving a running commentary. And there were about 6 different types of carpeting, just laid on the floor. Not even fitted properly, or attached in any way. Just laying there. The house we were all waiting to fall in love with just didn't do it. It was beautiful on the outside, beautiful on the inside, but impractical, expensive and  would have cost several thousand dollars to make is suitable. It was built somewhere in the 40s (I think?) and still had all of the original electrics and plumbing. Just bringing that up to date and making it safe would have cost a couple of grand, then it would need redecorating (with potential lead paint, fun times) and the basement needed finishing too. We were sad, because in so many ways it was great  :( One house was full almost floor to ceiling of stuff. Clothes, shoes, beads and boxes and boxes of stuff. You could hardly move in 2 of the rooms, the others were challenging and WOW it needed a good clean. Surprisingly, it was pretty high on the list. The rooms were a good size and it was in a lovely neighbourhood, with about a 10 minute walk to the child's school. It would have taken a bit of work but would have been ok. But then we all stopped and thought exactly how much work we WANTED to put into a house before we even moved in, and realised that it wasn't as much as that place needed. The row houses we saw were actually pretty cool, just very deficient in the garden size. After a lot of talking over a delicious lunch, we narrowed it down to 2 options. A row house that Hermit fell in love with as soon as he walked into, and a somewhat confusing (though lovely) detached cape cod house. Both were very reasonable prospects, but what really tipped the balance was the price. The cape cod was 5k more than our max price and the row house was almost half of that. Bit of a no-brainer, really. Until Hermit had a chat with the cashier at the diner, who told him that the neighbourhood the row house was in is not somewhere we'd want to live. There was a reason why they were giving it away :( In contrast, the cape cod is in a lovely area with low crime rates and where we all feel comfortable. So, we'll be putting in an offer for it!

We all think that we can make it into the perfect home for us. There's room for us all, a lovely kitchen, room for a study, great finished basement and I get to have the attic room :D Oh, and the garden is HUGE. More than big enough for a good vegetable garden, space for the dog and space for the child to be able to play. We're thinking of (if we manage to buy it) staying there for a considerable amount of time, as long as I'm able to get a job and a visa after school. I feel very good about staying there for a while, and making it a home for our somewhat unusual family. Hermit and Minx have both been moving for so long that I think they're both looking forward to being able to settle somewhere. Even if we have to commute a long way for work, having a calm retreat of a home to come back to will (I think) make it all worthwhile.

Actually, I Don't Want Children

Children? Of my own? No thanks.
As a woman (a young, potentially-fertile one, too) it's almost taboo to say that. It's greeted with cries of 'oh, why not?' and 'but you'd make such a wonderful mother!'. These remarks are usually made by other women...usually mothers. If a man says they don't want children, they may have similar responses but, on the whole, it's not as expected of men. Even if people accept that I don't want kids now they tell me that I should keep my mind open, or that I may change my mind one day. Yes, I might. Yes, my mind is open to it. However, your mind should be open to the possibility that some women just don't want children.
Why don't I? Because I think I'd do an awful job of it. I'm impatient, don't cope well with sleep deprivation and, most of all, I NEED MY SPACE. I don't want small, screaming, grubby humans in my face all day. I don't want to be woken from my sleep by an angrily screaming child. I just don't want to go through the stress and aggravation of raising a child of my own. I adore Minx and Hermit's child. I genuinely look forward to time spent with her, and am excited about seeing her grow up. You know what one of the best parts is? I'm not her parent. Occasionally, yes, I am In Charge. I choose to chip in and get her ready for bed, or give her a bath, or whatever. But I am not the sole adult responsible for her. If I don't feel like being talked at non-stop I can go and hide! It's much harder to do what it's your child. Working with the children I au-pair for has just cemented my belief that I should not procreate. Sometimes, work is AWESOME. I get giggling children and I enjoy spending time with them. Normally? Not so much. They scream, the baby hits me, the toddler throws tantrums, they're ill all the time and they don't fucking give me any space! Yes, yes, it's different when they're yours and no toddler of mine would throw a tantrum when they're not allowed TV because I believe in consistant discipline, firm boundaries and respecting one's parents. The fundamental problems would still be endemic to any child-raising experince though. Lack of personal space, lack of sleep (at least for a few years) and lack of freedom. There are some things you just can't do when you have children. Mind you, a lot of these (staying out to 3am drinking, for example), are not things I want to do anyway.

The problem still remains that I can rarely voice my desire to remain childless in a room with other women without someone looking at me askance, or someone telling me in a condescending tone that I'm still young, there's still time, and that clock will start ticking! I'm 25. I am not a child. I like my life, I have things planned for the next 5 years. Children do not fit into that. Once I'm done with school, I'll be 30. Yes, still time to have kids then but there is the strong possibility that I just won't want any. Why oh why can't people just leave me be with this one?!

Come back in 6 years and we'll see how I feel.

To Reply or Not?

This is a slightly odd post to write, as the person concerned reads my blog and so what would ideally be an anonymous monologue will be instead a one-sided conversation. Strange, but there you go. Some back-story may be required, and will be provided as I deem necessary. Though it's not wholly my story to tell, so there may be some gaps. Telling the whole interwebs my life is one thing, telling someone else's is completely different. Suffice to say that I had a girlfriend, whom I shall call Giraffe, and around the time Hermit was getting ready to leave my country and go back to his, when I severely doubted I would ever see him again, things became less-than-good between Giraffe and I, for a variety of reasons. Things happened, there was confusion and I wound up feeling like I'd been abandoned by here at a time when I needed her the most. It was NOT and intentional abandoning and if I'd have opened my mouth (see a theme running through this blog?) and said how lost and alone I felt, I am very sure that she would have been more present for me.

We broke up, agreeing to stay friends. We drifted while I was in the US over the summer, and when I got back I wrote a long message to her saying how I felt about what happened. I don't imagine it was pleasant to read. She apologised (one of the fullest apologies I've ever received) and again, we decided to stay in touch. I've kind of...failed badly on that front. I'm appalling at keeping in touch with people anyway and it takes some serious perseverance to keep up a long-distance friendship with me. It's a major flaw and one that I work at...though less than I should. If I'm entirely honest with myself, I could have done a better job at contacting her. I'm bad, yes, but even I manage to message important people once every few months. I wasn't sure that I wanted to be in contact. She hurt me a lot, and I didn't know if I wanted to put in the insane amount of effort it takes me to maintain a friendship into someone that had, in my eyes, betrayed me. We saw each other briefly when I went home before Christmas, and I felt very awkward. Then, out of the blue, I got a birthday card and a letter from her (tip: I am more likely to respond to hand-written correspondence). The letter was, basically, things she feels that she had to say to me if we were to never speak again. It was beautiful, and thankfully I was at Hermit and Minx's apartment because I started crying like a child.

She wrote that she wasn't expecting a reply, but that if I felt like I wanted to be in touch, she would welcome any contact from me. That kind of stumped me. She hasn't had a reply, mainly because I still (roughly 3 weeks on) don't know if I want to. I miss sitting and talking for hours in a coffee shop with her, I miss getting drunk on gin together and giggling under tables, I miss the conversations we used to have. Hermit and Minx have both asked me if I miss those things, or if I miss her. I don't know. Sometimes I feel as though it's both and sometimes I feel as though I just miss the fun we used to have. It's very confusing, and will probably take me a while to get to grips with.

Giraffe...I don't know. You're not forgotten and never will be, but I just don't know.

Strangers in my House

The grandfather and aunt of the children I look after are visiting for a week. It's...weird. Grandfather is sleeping in the room I have to walk through to get to my bedroom and this means I feel compelled to be back by 10pm...when my normal arrival time if I've been with Minx and Hermit is closer to 11pm. Mainly, I'm having issues with the fact that there are strangers in the house I have to live in. It's weird enough living with my employers, but having strangers for a week is very unsettling. I'm kind of used to having the place to myself during the day. Mom works from home, but a lot of the time she's in her room and the baby and I are entertaining ourselves. I find it very off-putting to be trying to do my job around people who want to do it for free. I had a slight issue this morning. I started at 9am, as normal, but the grandfather and aunt were playing with the boys. Does this mean I didn't start work until 9.30, when the baby was handed over to me? Or at 9, when I was ready to work and found it necessary to busy myself by tidying up and generally hanging round.
Urg. I have no idea.

Never mind, they'll be gone soon...