The Trouble With Sex

Something that's come up a couple of times in the past week for our triad is negotiating sex. Or rather, what happens when we neglect to do so. We had a set of rules a while ago which have slowly been discarded as they became unnecessary and we have neglected to concentrate any effort in replacing them. 'Replacing' is possibly the wrong word. We don't need a hard and fast set of rules any more. Beyond the 'let me know what you're doing and when you're doing it', and some details on contraception, we're generally happy to let things happen as and when. Whilst this makes for a more natural sex-life, it does leave the door open to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. We have tried to get into the habit of each person stating exactly what they want from any sexual encounter that involves all three of us, but it's not something we've managed to stick with and I think it's something we need to make more of an effort on. Admittedly, it does feel a bit weird to stop mid-foreplay and say 'hang on guys, who wants what exactly?', but weirdness aside it prevents upset if you know exactly what the others want, or don't want.

If Minx or I are too tired for actual intercourse, but would like some affection and want to give some attention to the other two, then that is a really good thing to know beforehand. In that instance it stops Hermit from feeling unwanted by one of his ladies and means that the other doesn't  need to worry about taking too much of his physical attention away from her. Or me. I'm getting confused with pronouns a bit. I think that makes sense though? Likewise if we're all really enthusiastic and Minx and I both want a good amount of attention from Hermit (and the other lady...but we have less of a problem with going straight from round one to round two due to physiology) then telling him so before we even start means that we all know he either needs to conserve energy, or that we need to give him a 5 minute break halfway though.

The problem is that once we're all in the mood, stopping to negotiate who's doing what to whom is kind of a buzz kill. It's deeply important and something I think we all need to make an effort at, but remembering to do so in the heat of the moment is not only difficult but kind of frustrating.
Something to think on, at any rate.