Rape vs. Sexual Assault

A friend of mine recently posted a question on her Facebook profile page.

"if a male is coerced or pressured into sex with a female and doesn't consent, what is this? The legal definition of rape only covers a penis being forced into an orifice (the male has to be the perpetrator)."

For me, the obvious answer is "rape". Legal definitions aside (and I think that one should most definitely be changed), I believe that forcing sex on anyone, regardless of gender, is rape. Holly Pervocracy wrote an interesting post on consent culture a while ago and whilst I don't think that explicit consent is always necessary in long-term, established relationships, I do think that consent is something that often gets over-looked. In the BDSM community, consent is HUGE. It gets talked about all the time and people are very aware of it. That's not to say that there are no issues with consent at all, but I feel like it's more a norm to discuss consent within that community than out of it. In contrast, consent isn't discussed so openly in the wider community. There's obviously a very strong vein of 'rape is bad' that everyone is aware of, but exactly what rape is is talked about far less often. Is that word reserved for the anonymous, violent assault that we hear about most often? Distressingly the answer is often 'yes'. We don't teach our young people that any kind of sex that they do not want and agree to is rape. Being persuaded to do it because all your friends are is a form of rape, as far as I'm concerned. Doing it for a quiet life is a form of rape. It doesn't have to be this huge, violent thing that leaves you traumatised and damaged.

In terms of education, I think it should be much more prominent in our sex-education system. Teenagers need to be told that rape can and does happen within relatinonships. We should tell them more than 'you have a right to say no'. Yes, they have a right to say no. But what happens if that no is ignored? What happens if it's your boyfriend or girlfriend who ignores your no? Going to the police may be an overreaction, but exactly what should you do? There is obviously no one-size-fits-all answer for this, but if someone ignores that then they need to be sat down and have a good discussion on boundaries, autonomy and someone's right to just not be interested sometimes. Telling teenagers and young adults that 'no means no' and leaving it at that just isn't enough.

Back to the orginal question. Yes, this senerio is rape. There is no consent and one party is being forced/coerced into something they do not want. I don't care that the guy isn't being penetrated. He said no. By ignoring that, the woman is taking away his right to make choices regarding what he does (and what is done to) his body. Rape is not just a violent action. It is often a violation of trust, a degredation of one's dignity and is one of the most effective ways of telling someone that their voice and decisions do not matter.
Calling it anything else is demeaning to the man and reinforces a culture where men have to 'be men', where they are not allowed to admit to an experience that women would be encouraged to report to the police.