One of the things that surprised me most about DC Pride was the extreme lack of anything to do with bisexuality. By 'extreme lack' I mean there was NOTHING. No group in the parade, not stall at the festival, even the vendors had exclusively gay or lesbian merchandise. Not even one shirt saying 'I love guys and girls'. Nothing. You could be forgiven for thinking that bisexuality doesn't even exist, or at least isn't included in the queer community. It was pretty frustrating. I consider myself queer, and definitely a member of the LGBT community, yet I wasn't represented at all in a whole weekend that is supposed to be about being proud of our diversity and sexuality. I've never felt quite so invisible as a sexuality, not even when surrounded by straight people. It was...strange.
This strangeness turned to aggravation, frustration and mild anger late on Sunday afternoon. Hermit and I had been to the festival with Child. It was pretty obvious - there was a rainbow flag on the stroller and Hermit had one pinned to his back. We were waiting for the train and I gave him a kiss, as I am wont to do. Then this girl (I assume she was gay) said in a pretty loud whisper to another girl (probably also gay) "Why are there all these straight people at Pride?". Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware you could now tell someone's sexuality just by looking at them! How stupid of me. Yes, of course I'm straight. I'm kissing a man, there's no other sexuality I could possibly lay claim to! I didn't say anything on the grounds that getting into a yelling match with an insecure 18 year old lesbian wasn't a good way to end the day, but I wasn't happy. I'd spent a great weekend celebrating my sexuality and my loves, and this adolescent has a problem with me being at her event because I kiss men? Awesome. Go Pride!
Frankly, even if I WAS straight, I'd be pissed off at that. LGBT people are in the minority. We need the support of the heteronormative majority to get any rights, legitimacy or to just not be lynched. I was highly encouraged by the amount of people marching for PFLAG during the parade. To see that many 'straight' people still loving their family though they're gay is AMAZING! It shows so much progress and hope for people who have been disowned for the simple fact that they love the wrong gender. We shouldn't bee discouraging straight people from coming to Pride, we should be inviting them with open arms! It's a celebration! Everyone should be celebrating, regardless of who they sleep with.
Stupid 18 year old lesbian.
Despite her comment, the vast majority of people we say smiled at us, wished up happy Pride, or just plain didn't insult us for the entire weekend. I do still wish that bisexuals had been represented, even a little bit. If I were staying in DC I'd put some effort into that happening next year...
thanks for this post: i completely understand how upsetting and infuriating, even, it is to have your identity assumed/misconstrued. That being said, I would urge you to re-think labeling the commenter's age, gender, gender identity, and orientation, i.e. we can't really know if the person identifies as "her" or as a "lesbian". right? o.O
ReplyDeleteI would agree with you, and I am usually exceptionally careful about assuming anything about someone merely by outward appearance. However, I do feel that my assumptions in this case are based on more than this individual's face value. I refer to people using the gender pronoun which most accurately fits how they choose to portray themselves on that day - if I see a person who appears physically male, but who is dressed in feminine clothing, I will use 'she' rather than 'he'. This person was definitely dressed as a female, therefore I feel comfortable using 'she' and 'her' in this case. I'm also totally happy identifying them as a lesbian, simply because if they were anything but I feel they would have been less likely to assume that I am straight, simply because I was with a man. A pan- or bi-sexual individual would, I feel, be more aware that just because someone is with an opposite gendered partner does not mean that they are straight as they would not consider themselves straight if they happened to have an opposite gendered parter.
ReplyDeleteBut no, I have no way of knowing whether that person actually identified as either female or as a lesbian. I can have some faith in my deductions, though :)