I have neglected this blog. I know. I'm sorry :(
This is going to be a neglectful update also, but I think probably better than nothing?
It's been a very challenging few months since I got back to the States and started grad school. To put it bluntly, I have no time for anything except work any more. I struggle to find time to spend with my wonderful family who are, against all logical explanation or reason, still here. Everything non-essential has been brutally cut including, I'm afraid to say, regular blog posts. I won't even say I'll try to be better because I suspect that would be false hope.
Things are hard. I feel almost daily like I want to give up. Things start to make sense again and I see a glimmer of hope, then I'm either crushed by the sheer volume of work I have to do, or something happens and I feel like an intellectual ant again. I'm not entirely sure what to do. I'm awful to live with (and that's not just self-deprecation). Minx and Hermit hardly see me because I'm always working, and, when they DO see me I'm either stressed because I feel like I should be working, or I'm grumpy and mean because I'm so tired and stressed. And scared. I'm scared a lot these days.
I'm just so tired. All the time. I want to go to bed and not wake up some days, because when I wake up I feel crushed and suffocated once again by school and by my own stupid expectations.
This is very angsty. I'm sorry. When I'm not angsting I adore living with my loves and think we're carving out a good life here. I even have friends! Unfortunately, I also have these things called 'midterms'. In a week. So I should go and learn Hebrew vocabulary. Yay.